My first thanksgiving...

I was at my friend's place for my first Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. She cooked a mighty feast, including 40 deviled eggs, of which I think I ate 30. The highlight has to be when her aunt arrived, put her teeth in, and then demanded 'are you going to roll two fat joints or what?'. Wasn't expecting that. Classic. All completely legal here seen as every man and his dog has a medical card. I was quite happy with my bottle of Rioja though, each to his own! I left full as an egg (full of eggs) with a loaf of bread and a load of leftover meat in my pockets.

I got a few funny looks sat in a meeting today eating the leftover ham from Thanksgiving out of a plastic bag and eating my 'bread' like a candy bar. The bread was real sweet stuff, like tea loaf. I've noticed that they sometimes call cake 'bread' -that way you don't feel like a fatty boo for eating a whole loaf...

Sweet bread, the best kind of bread!

My next thanksgiving feast will be on wednesday night with none other that Markus Schulz supplying the audio candy, at the aptly named Trancegiving. Praise the lord!!

H1N1

Damn flu. Been feeling rough as a porcupine's scrote this week. Pretty sure it's swine flu based on the symptoms, but feels just like normal flu. On the positive side, I found this picture on the US H1N1 Health Advisory website.

It appears hugging a teddy and smoking a fat one is the best way to cure H1N1. Shame I don't smoke, but I certainly am a teddy-hugger.

A pain in the arse...

In the previous post I mentioned something about falling out of a tree. Well, three weeks later I had a lump on the side of my arse and it wasn't going away. When I touched it I got a really sharp deep pain. Great, cancer, I thought. I'm going to die of arse cancer.

Anyway, a few days later, after coming to terms with my impending, untimely demise, a thought came to me: why don't I give it one last big squeeze? I did and as I winced, blood squirted out and I heard something go 'Ping!'. I looked around and found what can only be described as a thorn the size of a redwood trunk at the side of the sink. This piece of timbre must have made home inside my leg during the tree incident, and safely nestled in there for several weeks.

At least three foot long!

I guess the moral of the story is: don't automatically assume you have cancer when you find a lump, because it could just be a thorn. Or maybe: don't fall out of trees. Take your pick.